The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 1979

 

The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 1979

Hey guys, it’s Fire and I’m back with another year-end list!! I know what I said at the end of last list but I found enough motivation and time to bash this out over the long weekend!! Today we’re examining the top 10 worst hit songs of 1979!! So 1979 is a year that for music is probably best known for Disco Demolition Night, an event that basically killed disco’s mainstream dominance. It’s easy to look back on this event and view it as racist and homophobic since disco was a genre that encouraged black and LGBTQ representation, but honestly taking a bit of a step back from that angle, could you really call it racism and/or homophobia or was it just an extreme reaction to disco's overexposure? The year-end list for 1979 is flooded with disco tracks that honestly, for me, got a bit tiresome after a while. To me, I’m pretty sure people were just burned out on disco at the time, leading to Disco Demolition Night, leading to the complete collapse of disco in the mainstream. I don’t know, I wasn’t even a fetus in 1979. I might be reading this entirely wrong. For all I know, Disco Demolition Night may have been an event driven by homophobia and racism. But I at least can come to my own conclusions on the trends in music in 1979 based on my own admittedly limited knowledge. Once disco had collapsed in on itself, I think the music industry was scrambling for a replacement as the big sound in mainstream music. In the process we got a bunch of easy listening gunk. In addition to the abundance of disco though, we saw the rise of yacht rock.

And all that leads to a year where I can probably say that the quality is very good on average while also saying that this isn’t the most fun I’ve had listening to a Hot 100 year-end list. The overabundance of disco made it a bit tedious to sift through all the disco songs, but I can acknowledge that in smaller doses, the disco hits here are pretty great. In fact, 1979 is only the third year I’ve looked at where my average rating for every song on the list hit 7/10 or higher (the other two being 1966 and 1996).

So anyways, now for my eligibility for this list. The songs had to land on the Hot 100 year-end list for 1979 to qualify. If a song made a previous Hot 100 year-end list, it had to beat or match its standing on the 1979 year-end to qualify. No quirks coming with this year, no Hot 100 airplay nonsense (thankfully). So let’s start this list with our dishonorable mentions!!

DM #1: Gino Vannelli - I Just Wanna Stop (YE: #75, PEAK: #4)

Spoilers, but every single one of the dishonorable mentions are more mediocre than outright bad, but this is still here because it’s extremely boring and cheesy. The way Gino Vannelli stops with overemphasis on the word “stop” just feels so unbearably cliche and the production sounds so generic that it hurts. I’ll say this though; the saxophone was enough to pull this out of being bad, but it’s still quite mediocre.

DM #2: Rod Stewart - Da Ya Think I'm Sexy? (YE: #4, PEAK: #1)

See, this is what happens when you oversaturate a genre in the mainstream. You get a subpar at best performer ruining what could’ve been a pretty damn good or even great song. I’m serious, I actually think the production here is really good!! It’s just Rod Stewart’s voice sounds like complete shit here. His raspy voice doesn’t complement the lush disco production whatsoever. Give this to any other singer who was big at the time, like, I don’t know, maybe Donna Summer, this could’ve been a great song. As is, though, this is just a complete waste of potential.

DM #3: Hot Chocolate - Every 1's a Winner (YE: #55, PEAK: #6)

Another song making this list thanks to the vocal delivery. I’m sorry, but frontman Errol Brown’s vocal delivery sounds so ugly to me against the constant fuzzy, distorted production. He also sounds tone deaf here. Not much else to say. I know I’m in the minority in not liking this song, but this just really doesn’t sound good at all to me.

DM #4: Robert John - Sad Eyes (YE: #10, PEAK: #1)

Yeah, this is the sort of easy listening gunk that clogged up the radio airwaves while the music industry tried searching for a new sound to replace disco after Disco Demolition Night. Robert John just sounds so anonymous here. He doesn’t sound invested at all and it makes me wanna fall aslee-zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

DM #5: Bob Seger & The Silver Bullet Band - We've Got Tonite (YE: #94, PEAK: #11)

...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz-jihioughuh oh, sorry about that, that last song just felt like a real lullaby for me. Oh wait, I’m getting kinda sleepy again *yawn* zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Okay, but for real, there’s literally nothing to this song. It’s so boring and lifeless and cliche musically. And the sentiment is just like many other boring, generic adult contemporary radio hits, all about “Hey, babe. Why would you have sex with me tomorrow when we can just have it tonight?!” This is just a treacly bore to me. Next!!

DM #6: Dionne Warwick - I'll Never Love This Way Again (YE: #32, PEAK: #5)

I’m pretty sure I’ve put three generic ballads in my dishonorable mentions already, so I understand if these reviews might be starting to feel monotonous to read, because trust me, they are monotonous to write as well. After all, there’s only so many ways to say “This is boringly cliche”. And this song falls squarely into that territory as well. I’ll concede that Dionne Warwick is a pretty good singer and she is definitely trying to elevate this into quality. But this feels like it checks off every box on the manual to create a cliche, cheesy, and generic AC-core ballad:

• Key change ✅

• Crank up the cheese factor to an 11 in the chorus by making the percussion heavier ideally with soaring strings ✅

• The verses are very subtle to allow for a sense of build-up in the chorus ✅

I mean sure, it’s structured the way the manual says it should be, but that’s the problem; it doesn’t do anything that deviates from our expectations. It’s exactly the kind of filler song you expect to hear when you turn on an AC station.

DM #7: Anita Ward - Ring My Bell (YE: #9, PEAK: #1)

You know, I think I can imagine the scenario in which a song like this could work. Anita Ward’s falsetto sounds weirdly reminiscent of an evil witch voice. The darker production combined with the backing vocals gives this a Halloween-esque vibe. Throw this on at a Halloween party between “Thriller” and “Disturbia” and it might fit in nicely. That said, I’m currently hearing this in the summertime in my room trying to write this list so right now, Ward’s vocals are just skin-crawling to me.

Onto the list proper!!...

10...Full disclosure, the first 3 entries on the actual top 10 are all also more mediocre than bad. Honestly for this song in particular, it could be a coinflip as to whether this or any of the dishonorable mentions take this spot. But if you want another bore....

10. Maxine Nightingale - Lead Me On (YE: #24, PEAK: #5)

This might’ve worked if Maxine Nightingale had better production to work with. Her voice sounds decent in isolation, but this overly graceful production has no beauty to it and it really doesn’t flatter her voice at all. Her voice on the chorus in particular sounds wispy to an excruciating degree and the backing vocals there clash really awkwardly with her voice. This is just so dull, even mental institutions that play boring unstimulating music to drive the patients into psychosis would reject this.

9...So as I mentioned several times already, in the wake of Disco Demolition Night and the collapse of disco in the mainstream, the music industry was scrambling to find another sound for mainstream music and as a result, there was a transitional period where while the industry was finding a replacement genre, they shoved out easy listening gunk that wasn’t apart of any one specific trend. Think of it as you’re on hold when calling a call center. And, speak of the devil, we have a song that literally sounds like hold music!...

9. Randy VanWarmer - Just When I Needed You Most (YE: #29, PEAK: #4)

I mean, there’s nothing inherently reprehensible about this song, it seems decently well written and its sound is pleasant enough. But I guess the problem here is that word “pleasant”, that’s the thing with easy listening music. You could do everything right and the result could still be a bore. This isn’t exciting, and Randy VanWarmer lacks anything unique to stand out among other post-breakup tracks. Say what you will about Olivia Rodrigo’s “drivers license” from 2021, but Rodrigo stood out because her writing resonated deeply with Gen Z and she conveyed her devastation in a captivating way. VanWarmer’s writing, on the other hand, feels so vague that it could range from being a song about hurting from a breakup to a convoluted metaphor for grieving from the loss of a loved one. And that vague writing makes way too much sense when you find out the backstory of this song. VanWarmer reportedly wrote this song to be simultaneously about an ex-girlfriend and...his car breaking down. Mixing a significant event with a trivial one in songwriting often makes the song fall apart. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Next!

8...So an act that was pretty notably huge in the 70s was the Bee Gees. Robin Gibb’s Mickey Mouse-reminiscent falsetto is very recognizable. They had three hits this year, one of which, spoilers, will be on the best list, another being a fairly good song, and the third being this pile of mid…

8. Bee Gees - Love You Inside Out (YE: #33, PEAK: #1)

Robin Gibb’s Mickey Mouse falsetto needs a good groove from the production to support it if you want it to work. Unfortunately, “Love You Inside Out” doesn’t have any sort of groove, it’s trying to be a laid back sex jam...and this pair of sentences makes me imagine Mickey Mouse having sex...and now I probably gave you all the same image - have fun with that!! That’s pretty much all to say about this. The song’s production just doesn’t flatter the vocals well at all.

7...We’ve finally hit the part of this list where I actually start disliking the songs. But speaking of Mickey Mouse vocals...

7. Andy Gibb - (Our Love) Don't Throw It All Away (YE: #58, PEAK: #7)

Yeah, I’m 99% sure that the only reason this song was a hit at all was that Andy Gibb was the younger brother of the Bee Gees. And you can definitely hear the Bee Gees all over this, mainly with the Mickey Mouse vocals. And just like “Love You Inside Out”, “(Our Love) Don’t Throw It All Away” completely misses the mark on how to make this vocal style work - but at least that song had a clearer vision than this boring slog of a song. The central conceit is that the narrator is begging his partner to stay with him even though the relationship has clearly sputtered out. And the guilt-trippy word choice just makes my skin crawl. The choice of “don’t throw away our love” just reads like “We’ve worked SO hard to build this love up!! Don’t you dare ruin it and throw it all away!!!!!!!”. Not to mention that Andy Gibb sounds utterly passionless here. Yeah, throw this song away, it doesn’t even deserve the used CD rack.

6...I feel like for both of my lists there are pretty obvious trends for what songs appear(ed) on them. For the best list, well, you’ll see when I write and publish it. For the worst list, it’s pretty evident that these overly schmaltzy, cheesy, and boring ballads are the running theme  considering this is, what, the 8th boring song on this list?...

6. Melissa Manchester - Don't Cry Out Loud (YE: #26, PEAK: #10)

I found out during my research that this is apparently a cover. I’ve still not heard the original song and quite frankly, I don’t have to hear the original to hate this awful rendition. I can’t stand Melissa Manchester’s overwrought oversinging here. Sure, she can hit the notes really well, but hitting the notes is only part of the story. You need a production that can flatter your vocals, not the painfully generic and tired ballad formula here. It’s a shame because the writing is actually pretty decent. As I found out when writing this review, the original song starts off with a baby crying over small things with the authority figure in the story telling the baby not to cry. The song evolves to deliver an overall message of “learn how to hide your emotions even in the face of tragedy” as the song culminates in the narrator’s father taking his own life and the narrator has to hide his pain in public. Here’s the problem: Melissa Manchester doesn’t convey the song’s original perspective. Instead, she makes the chorus sound condescending, as if she’s saying “You are never allowed to cry.” - which is a message I’ve genuinely come to despise as it gets conflated with the positive message of “Surround yourself with positivity and try to be as happy as possible, don’t sulk all the time” which creates a mindset of constantly bottling up your emotions, which is super unhealthy (obviously you should have some restraint in letting your emotions show but to me the song comes off like it’s trying to say “never cry!! Even when you’re alone!!”) - yeah, even having not heard the original song, this is a really bad cover.

5...But speaking of bad renditions of songs...

5. Barry Manilow - Somewhere In The Night (YE: #93, PEAK: #9)

Bear with me: this song was originally by folk-rock duo Batdorf & Rodney, and it only peaked at #69 on the Hot 100 in 1975. That same year, Helen Reddy covered it, and her version peaked at #19 on the Hot 100. Then came Barry Manilow’s rendition, which peaked at #9 on the Hot 100, making it the most successful version of the song. I sure hope chart success isn’t correlated with quality because this rendition is awful. Barry Manilow might have a technically good voice, but it’s also faceless and interchangeable with any other male ballad singer. This turns into easy listening that’s too tame even for easy listening radio!! Not much else to say here, do you really want me to regurgitate the same shit I’ve said about cliche ballads for, what, a 9th time? Is anyone gonna seriously call this their favorite song? Is anyone gonna be on the frontlines for this? No and no. This can disappear somewhere in the night instead.

4...So, are you tired of all the constant boring ballads and want me to break up the monotiny? Too bad!...

4. Anne Murray - I Just Fall In Love Again (YE: #72, PEAK: #12)

Do I really need to dive deep into this one? You can literally just look at any of the other 65895959695456765456765678765678987678767876787656787 reviews of boring ballads on this list and that should give you a basic picture. I saw someone on RateYourMusic say that Anne Murray’s voice was one that was distinctive yet faceless. I’m admittedly not familiar enough with her material to confirm that her voice is indeed distinctive, but from this song, I can certainly say that it is absolutely faceless. Yeah, not much else to say here, there’s nothing new or interesting that this song brings to the conversation.

3...Okay, thankfully we are breaking up the monotony a little bit because contrary to the last several entries, this song is NOT boring!!..

3. The Babys - Everytime I Think Of You (YE: #89, PEAK: #13)

This song isn’t boring, but it’s pretty terrible in the most baffling way possible. The weird tempo shifts from more upbeat to ballad territory, I mean sure it’s not cliche, but it’s just really jarring. The swell in the chorus isn’t even powerful enough for this to slot into power pop territory. It’s just a very confused artistic decision, more than anything else. But hey, at least it got my attention, unlike…

2...I hope you enjoyed that small break in monotony because we’re back to boring easy listening gunk for the last two!!...

2. Rex Smith - You Take My Breath Away (YE: #86, PEAK: #10)

Okay, don’t worry, I think I actually have something interesting to say about the last two songs here. “You Take My Breath Away” is a pretty terrible song that, at least on the surface, might just seem like a boringly bad cheesefest. And you know what, if this was sung by any other singer, that might’ve been the case. But the reason this nearly topped the list is the man of the hour, Rex Smith, his delivery is so insufferably smug, as if he thinks that what he’s saying isn’t just a bunch of banal platitudes and is true poetry. Your partner takes your breath away, what aspects about her make her so stunning? Couple that smug attitude with the way Rex Smith just puts his “deep soul” into EVERY single note as if he’s trying too hard to come off like he means every word he says and you get a song that stands out in its cheesiness. Terrible song. So what’s worse?

1...In a year packed with schmaltzy, boring ballads, the top spot on this list had to go to the most insufferable of them all. And yep, this one ticks every box...

1. Neil Diamond & Barbra Streisand - You Don't Bring Me Flowers (YE: #21, PEAK: #1)

This song just feels so disgustingly guilt-trippy. This is a song about how two partners happily together are upset that their partner doesn’t bring them flowers anymore or sings them songs anymore. The song attempts to capture the feeling of growing old with your spouse, lamenting how the romantic gestures from the early days of the relationship have faded away. But implying that this is the fault of the partner and not one of the simple passage of time just feels so disgustingly guilt-trippy. And more than anything, this toxic attitude coupled with the sleepy production is the cherry on top in encapsulating the worst hits of 1979; boring and schmaltzy to a massive fault and very guilt-trippy on top of all that! “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” by Neil Diamond and Barbra Streisand; without question the absolute WORST hit song of 1979. In other words, I think I finally understand why everyone hated "If The World Was Ending" by JP Saxe and Julia Michaels in 2020. No one should be bringing this song any flowers, just let it wilt away.

And that’s the worst list done!! Next article should be the best list for this year, where I can’t promise that that article won’t feel as monotonous as this one, but I’ll definitely try haha. Stay tuned for that and until then, if you have predictions for that list or your own lists of the worst hit songs of 1979, please comment them below!! I’m looking forward to reading them. And until the next list, the Spotify playlist with every song on this list is linked right here if for some ungodly reason you wanna drive yourself into psychosis with all the boring unstimulating songs here. And until the next list, remember to keep it Fire!