My Top 50 Least Favorite/The Worst Songs of All Time

 

My Top 50 Least Favorite/The Worst Songs of All Time

In the following article, I look at the worst shit I’ve ever heard and briefly tackle why I hate them.

You know, I’ve been contemplating doing an article like this for a few years now. And the reason I haven’t done it until now was honestly because some of these it feels like I’m comparing apples to oranges. And there’s also the fact that I’d be comparing songs I hate the most with songs that are “objectively” the worst - I’ll get back to this point later on this list. So I’ll start this list with a couple disclaimers: this list is by no means comprehensive, I obviously don’t know every song in existence and I’d take this ranking with the tiniest grain of salt since my opinions are likely to fluctuate wildly after I publish this article and in the future this might become outdated. But okay, why do this list to begin with? If the songs are truly that bad, then we should ignore them, right? Well here’s the old quote: “Those Who Do Not Learn History Are Doomed To Repeat It.” If this article can at least convince one person as to why these songs are truly horrendous, hopefully that’s enough to not repeat our mistakes and get another song similar to any of these in the future.

50. Justin Bieber - Yummy

Yeah, this was a shoe-in for this list, but I was never really angry at this, so I couldn’t justify putting it that high. Make no mistake, this is still an embarrassment that I’m pretty sure Justin Bieber is probably ashamed of, but I do weirdly see how this could theoretically work. Get someone who isn’t such a vacuum of personality when singing R&B and replace the titular word, this could’ve been decent, if not good! Seriously, the muted keys actually sound kinda nice, but Justin Bieber is just a terrible R&B performer. Stick to pop Bieber. If “Anyone” and “Ghost” are any indication, you’re actually really good at that!

49. Meghan Trainor - All About That Bass

When I heard “Mother”, I really questioned if this song was as atrocious as I used to think. And sure, this is not as embarrassing as a song like “Mother” but I also have always found this to be one of the most sonically annoying things I have ever heard. And the content is way more harmful. It’s a song trying to empower women to feel good about their bodies, but then it includes lines about how she won’t be no barbie doll or that she’s bringing booty back and we should tell them skinny bitches that. If anything, it really exposes how unaware of her own songwriting Meghan Trainor is. I’m sure she never intended to come off like she was belittling a certain group of people in this song, but because she was unaware of her own songwriting she tried to write a body positivity anthem but instead wrote a skinny shaming anthem. But then the production, which is so insufferable, from the annoying melody the doo-wop production gives and every instance of Meghan’s “quirky” inflections like on “that booteh booteh” chips away at my soul. I don’t know, I’m clearly not the target audience of this message, so if this song in any way helped you feel good about your body, I’m happy for you and I’m glad the song exists for your sake. I’m just explaining why my ears want to cut themselves off when I hear this.

48. Meghan Trainor - Mother

Oh god...I’ll be honest, I didn’t hate this nearly as much when I first heard it. Don’t get me wrong, I always thought this song was trash, but in a so-bad-it’s-good kinda way. But then the realization hit me: this is Meghan Trainor’s “Yummy”. Both songs are massive misfires of  singles from big pop stars that completely misunderstand the meaning of their titular lyric. Meghan, I don’t know what you thought “mother” meant in the context your intro used it in, but it doesn’t mean you're literally a mom to every gay person and that you now have authority to ground them...I’m just a dumb straight man and even I know this. That’s before we get to the production, which is as white and plastic as so many of her hits in the mid-2010s. Yeah, this should not be anyone's mother, don’t listen to this.

47. Jason Aldean - Burnin It Down

Hey look, it’s the worst artist of all time. I’ll admit, while I’ve always thought “Burnin It Down” was bad, I didn’t hate it this much the first time I heard it. But you know what, in 2024, with one certain song that we’ll undoubtedly will get back to later on this list becoming one of the biggest songs of last year, I’m comfortable calling “Burnin It Down” what it is, a thoroughly unsexy song that tries and fails so catastrophically to be sexy that it makes the listener rather have sex with a used, soggy piece of toilet paper than Aldean. The production is a really bad blend of country and R&B. And then we get Jason Aldean’s vocals which...gonna recycle a term I promised myself to retire but there’s honestly no better time for me to use it, this man sounds like he has DCG Syndrome. Yeah, I’m ready to burn this song down, or you know what, maybe even Aldean himself should be burned down!

46. Oliver Tree - Life Goes On

Oliver Tree is possibly the most appeal-less artist I’ve ever heard. His voice is painfully nasal and he constantly sounds bored on every song I’ve heard from him. “Life Goes On” being his biggest hit before “Miss You” was a thing almost seems fitting, because it represents all of Oliver Tree’s worst aspects; petulant sluggish  waste that just goes on and on and on...no sorry, onnynonnynonnynonnnynonny. There’s no energy or personality here, which could’ve been the point but it only makes it just that much worse. This is not helped by the squawnking lifeless synth that sounds like its life is about to stop going onnynonnynon. NEXT!!!

45. Ssgt. Barry Sadler - Ballad Of The Green Berets

This song being the biggest song of a wonderfully varied year for music like 1966 is such a slap in the face to everything the year’s music stood for. This is blatant pro-war propaganda, you can’t interpret the “send my son to war” shit in the third verse any other way! Not to mention the actual music, which is so sparse and bare - it only has a bassline and a very uniform, non-emotive voice. It’s probably trying to give off the same vibe of how uniform and strident the military is, but it only makes the song feel uglier and emptier. Garbage, there’s a reason this has gone down in history as the worst year-end #1 of all time.

44. Jason Aldean - Got What I Got

This was his worst song prior to 2023. This song has only infuriated me over time, primarily because of the context behind it, listen to the titular lyric “when I got what I got, I don’t miss what I had” - what Aldean had was his previous wife and his kids. What he’s got now is his new (notably transphobic) wife that he cheated with on his previous wife. This sentiment solidified Aldean as an utter piece of shit in my eyes. Doesn’t help that he’s singing this with the lovestruckness of a wet dog bone and the production is sour and sludgy. Yeah, in hindsight, this was way too low on my worst list for 2020.

43. Hot Chelle Rae - B.O.R.E.D.

Oh god, these days it’s a bit rare for disappointment to be a factor in whether I dislike a song, but I just cannot deny that this is one example of disappointment that truly infuriated me as someone who unironically considers Whatever a great album. It’s obvious that these guys were just desperate for another shot at stardom after not getting much success after “Tonight Tonight” down to that trap percussion and Nash Overstreet’s atrocious rapping - I’m talking Chris Brown on “Look At Me Now” levels of bad. Between the COVID remix of “Tonight Tonight” and this, Hot Chelle Rae is a band that reeks of desperation. And as someone who tries to defend this group more often than not, this song makes me think that maybe everyone was right to think Hot Chelle Rae were a terrible band. And it’s hard not to feel embarrassed.

42. Jonas Brothers - Sucker

Believe it or not, “7 rings” actually wasn’t even close to making this list. It’s still pretty atrocious, but in hindsight, the way I reacted to it in my 2019 worst list was a bit dramatic and I don’t think it’s aged very well (this applies to that list as a whole honestly). But “Sucker” has only gotten worse for me. The whistling makes me want to light myself on fire and jump off the nearest skyscraper, the production is painfully undercooked, and every single obnoxious inflection from the Brothers makes me want to light THEM on fire and throw THEM off the skyscraper! Screw this garbage.

41. AJR - World’s Smallest Violin

Wait, huh? This song has a strong melody and the stomp clap percussion doesn’t sound terrible! What is this doing here? Well let me quote what I said when I reviewed OK Orchestra: “...this album has my least favorite AJR song to date - “World’s Smallest Violin”, which to AJR’s credit, most of my hate for that song [is less on their own merits and more on the fact that] the fact that the first time I heard it was at possibly the worst time. I was still in the hospital, at the time only a couple months after having suffered a massive hemorrhagic stroke, and Jack Met’s flat delivery made the entire song sound like it was being sarcastic, making the line “The world's smallest violin really needs an audience” feel like it was directly mocking me for my problem, or calling it insignificant. But I do understand that I’m likely alone when it comes to that, I’ll admit that the melody here isn’t terrible, and if one were to say they legitimately enjoy it, I could definitely see how, feeling like your problems don’t matter in comparison to someone else’s bigger problems is definitely a relatable sell that even I’ll admit I feel now.” I think that about sums it up, really, next!

40. Darryl Worley - Have We Forgotten

Did anyone ask for a remake of the worst hit song of the 2000s in 2023? Granted, this may not be as awful as the original, but it’s still pretty horrendous and laughable. Yes, it’d be great if we were all more united and less stuck in political echo chambers, but this feels incredibly disingenuous when the song is a remake of a song explicitly advocating for a pointless war that caused more loss of life than anyone needed, we’ll get back to this later, but in the meantime, yeah, fuck this, it’s like if you took “Rich Men North Of Richmond” (this was one of the last cuts from this list, just in case you were curious - it’s shrunken on me HARD since my 2023 worst list) and made it even worse.

39. Jason Mraz - I’m Yours

I honestly don’t think I realized just how much I detested this shlock until recently. From that empty and colorless acoustic guitar strumming to Jason Mraz’s obnoxious, smug personality here that’s insufferable. It’s clear that he thinks that his scatting on the bridge is pure genius and the pinnacle of art. This song is truly worthless and I’ll say it again: this song ruined the radio and is probably the reason any small business retail store goes out of business.

38. Lil Mabu & Chrisean Rock - Mr. Take Ya Bitch

This is just incompetent. Lil Mabu is quite frankly one of the most talentless rappers I’ve ever heard, he sounds like a goblin trying to steal your gold by yelling at you for your attention.  And I simply can’t buy a diss track coming from a kid who on a prior single just randomly rapped the first few numbers of pi without any context. Chrisean Rock being a terrible person IRL doesn’t help either. She sounds almost as terrible as Mr. Mabu here. Also, this song has what may be the single worst lyric I ever heard: “And he probably racist and don't like white kids”, need I say more? Even 6ix9ine has more talent than this spoiled ass white kid, and if I’m comparing you negatively to that troll, than you’ve seriously fucked up.

37. PewDiePie - Bitch Lasagna

I cite the PewDiePie vs. T-Series war of 2018 as 99.999999999999999999999999999% of the cause for any racism Indians faced that year. And as someone of Indian origin myself, this makes me feel directly targeted. That said, I have some admitted middle school nostalgia for this so it’s not higher, and before anyone says anything, yes, some of the Indians in my middle school were singing along to this at the time. But yeah, in hindsight, this has aged worse than milk  left out in the sun on the hottest day in the world. It shouldn’t be a surprise that even without any of the racism, PewDiePie’s “bars” are garbage: “T-Series just wet themselves in their pajamas”, “Look at T-Series, they just crying for their mama”, “No papa, no papa, yes papa; Johnny/Now down all of this sugar and let's throw this fuckin' party”, these bars are completely fucking wack. And the production, goodness, you couldn’t make a more generic trap production if you tried. “Coco” also is atrocious but it’s not on this list because it’s barely even music and who even cares at this point? Apparently PewDiePie now has a 5 month old kid and appears to now be vlogging? He seems to be doing well for himself. I just hope to god he moved on from...this.

36. Ying Yang Twins  - Wait (The Whisper Song)

I’ll just quote this from my worst list for the 2000s and move on: "I was genuinely horrified the first time I heard this song, the whispering here was quite possibly the worst idea one could’ve had for this song, over this subbass loop with no melody it makes this come off as more threatening than sexy, it comes off more like 3rd graders at a sleepover trying to say the nastiest things they can think of without the adults hearing. There is nothing sexy about two creepy guys whispering ‘wait till you see my dick’ over and over across this tuneless nonsense. And all of this puts the lyrics to the forefront and these are not lyrics you want to stand out - from ‘Got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft/Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft?’ to ‘And I'm known to be a real nasty man/And they say a closed mouth don't get fed’”.

35. David Banner - Play

Once again quoting from my worst of the 2000s list for this: “This song is a musical and lyrical catastrophe, I was honestly tempted to make a very loose connection between this and “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke at first, saying how because of this song becoming a hit, it allowed “Blurred Lines” became a hit, but I’m not gonna go that route, for as much as I truly loathe “Blurred Lines”, even Robin Thicke is smart enough to not take inspiration from this, again, musical and lyrical catastrophe, with lyrics like ‘Lickey, lickey, lickey, like a peppermint swirl’ and ‘I wanna see you/cum in the middle of the dance floor’, to say this is nauseating would be the understatement to end all understatements and musically...I asked this in my worst list for 2005 - how did this even leave the drawing board stage? If I didn’t know any better, I would’ve guessed that Mr. Collipark intentionally produced it like this to sabotage David Banner’s career, from the atonal wiry synth to the other synth progression that sounds like someone tried and failed to autotune their farts and that’s not to mention all the moaning everywhere! And then there’s David Banner himself, whose delivery sounds incredibly threatening and just creeps me out to no end.” This was arguably the crux of the overly horny rap from 2005 and this being David Banner’s biggest hit almost makes me feel sorry for him with how explicit and uncomfortable this song is.

34. Casper Mágico, Nio García, Darell, Nicky Jam, Ozuna & Bad Bunny - Te boté

7 mINs oF fUN. Yeah, this may be my least favorite reggaeton song of all time and the absolute bottom of the barrel of that genre in 2018. Ozuna’s hook is extremely grating and not to mention the rest of the song is super misogynistic and monotonous. How anyone can listen to all 7 minutes of this and unironically enjoy this (and I’m pretty sure that crowd is extraordinarily tiny) is beyond me.

33. Rocko f/Rick Ross & Future - UOENO

This is honestly one of those songs that is “objectively” the worst to me but I just can’t bring myself to hate it as much as I want to. Don’t get me wrong, this is still a “no redeeming qualities” level song and it gets super icky when we get the line from Rick Ross that implicitly endorses date rape. But, learning this all from Spectrum Pulse, I’m pretty sure the reason this song was a hit in 2013 was people desperately trying to salvage it, and it tainted everyone involved’s careers in the process. This already was horrendous though, even without any of the controversy. The beat is painfully slow and lethargic and everyone here sounds disinterested. Let this be a lesson: don’t try to save what can’t be salvaged.

32. Puddle of Mudd - She Hates Me

This is by far the worst post grunge hit of all time. Wes Scatlin ripping off Nirvana sounds constipated here and in the chorus him screeching “S̸̢̡̡̛͎͈̼͎̫͙͎̺͉̤̫̯̲̲͇͍̞̠̪͙̦͉͙͑̀̍̂͐́͛̈́͜͝H̵̨͎͈̉̒̋̋͂͋̾͋̽̎̊̑̈͂͒̓́͑̈́̉̚͘̚̚E̸̤̝̩̻͔̥͎̱̝͌͜͠ ̴̨̯̹̹̥̪̰̞̳̘̞͙̠̲̮͉̼̤̟̟̺̞͈͕̃̇̈́̌̎̓̈̿̽͋̾̒̊́͊́̓̚͘͠͝ͅF̸̨̼̼͖̬͇̣͓̖͙͔͍͎̳̺͚͎̱͓̝̙̦̐̆̐̓̀̓̄̈́̄͒͂̂͐̚͘͜͝Ų̸̧̼͎̞̭̰͚͚͖͋̐́͌̋̎̍̽̃̌̓͂͘͘̚͠͝C̸̡̡͎͚̭̘̗̯͓̜̱̍͑͊̐̑͗̽͊̑̐̌͌̉ͅK̸̡̨̥̥̠̳̺̪̙͈̬̗̰̫̰̻̝̝̇͑̑̌̿͗͐̋̀̈̇̏̏̀̊͂͘̚͘ͅİ̷̡̢̹͕͇̥̝̠͎̰͍̜̝̲̞͈̣͎͇͉̝̣̝̔̂̄̂̈́̒́͒̈͆̓͒̋̄͛̈́̈̄̋͘̚̕͜͠͝͠͝͠͝ͅN̷̼̹͙̺̳̬̜̻̝͇̘͔͈̲̼͓̞̣̜̋͛̌̓͒̀͂̒́̾͛̄̾̔̇͒̋̒͘͜͝G̵̢͇̝̝̬̻̺͌̿̅͌̊̿̕͠ ̸̢̡̡͎̠̠̯͍̼̗͚̻̖̝̱͍͍̞͇̬͈͚̫̈́̑̄͑̓̊̅̆͑̈́̓̑̀͋̚͜͜͝ͅḤ̸̡̨̳͉̲͚̹̣̫̻͔̂̔̈́̈́̏̋̓͊́͆̿̏̎̏̈̉̎͆͛̚͜À̷̻̦̯̳̣͉̻͔̮̝̺͓͇̮̈́̈́́͂̀͑Ṫ̷̡̮̭̘̳͓̞̱͋͊͊̿̋͛̅̆̈́̉͋̅̐̈̃̽́̍͂͐̽̊͒̿̋̚̕͠͠E̴̛̛̱̤͈̱͕̠̫̻̪̖̗͕͉̮̜̭̝̹͎̗̞̮͇̜̻͎̻̰͉͑̓̅̐̄̉̂̑̍̈̊̓̀͘̚S̴͉͇͎͔͍̱̙͕̍̄͒͊̽̓̈́ ̸͖͉̲̜̹̰̲̪͔̔̈́̉̔̕ͅM̷̨̨̢̭̳̭̳͚̗̻̟̪̲̦͖͇̩̹̲͎͎̑̍̓̂͋̈́̾͒͝͝E̵̙̭̺̯͐̾ ̸̨̛̹͖̩̩͖̹̗͈̜͉̝͒̓̿̀̈́̎̕L̴̡̧̟̫͖̤̳̞͖̮̥̖͈̬͍͔̞̪͍̖̠͉͙̈́́͗̒̀̐̾͑̈́̇̊̌̅̌͂̿̓̍̇̕͠͝͝Ȃ̶̗̝͔͉̜̠̫͓͕̠͚̤̱͎̰̩̇̍̅̏̔͐̑̂͐̿́̍́͗̆̀͛̒̄͑̍̀̑̄͊̕͜͠ͅ ̸̨̨̡̨̛̛̪̹͇̻̻̳͋̈́̿̉̋̃̓͊̎͘͜͠L̵̡͚͎̼̹̲̹͖̘̬̤͖͕̥̭͉̫̖̲̘̰̜̺̭̹͚̒̈̅̀̍̈́̎͗̒̍͐́̆͐͜͝͠A̸̡͉̭̥̦̣̗̻͚̫̱͓͚̭̩͚̙̞̿̍̒̀͑̈́̆̾ ̷̧͇͈̜͊́L̸̨̡̡̛͚͍͎̜̻͍̮͉̖̼̪͙̘̎̾̀̐̽̎͋̿̎̃̅̄̓̅́͘̕͜͝À̶͉̼̠͖̗̗̺̪̮̠͎̜̟̮͇́̋̈́̚ ̷̨̨̛̛̺̣̗̖͈͎̤͉̜̫̳̪́̆͐̿͗̎̈́͑͑͐̇͂̋̊̈́̔͌̈́͘͝͝͠ͅḼ̸͆̈́̈́O̷̧̧͔͕͉͎͚̼̺̪͖̮͓͓̲̻̹͙̭̝̦̭̪͈͐V̵̬͔̻̲͎̳͉͈̟̫̟͍̟̑͂̋͆͒̃̾̓͌̓̌̔̏̉͗́̊̈́̐̽̾̎̐͌̋͘E̴̛͈͇̔͒̀͆̋̌̆̾̎͋̉́̄͊͛̐̏̇̓̅͊̚̕͠” sounds horrendous. They try to build up the bombast in the pre-chorus but no matter how much they try, Scatlin throwing this temper tantrum over a relationship with an ex that only lasted a week makes this song so much worse and nuters the bombast really bad. This deserves to melt in a puddle of mud and be forgotten.

31. B.o.B. - Flatline

How are there still flat Earthers that exist? And that flatline noise is just in poor taste. But this isn’t even in the top 5 most awful things about this song. I don’t know what happened to B.o.B. in the 4 years between “So Good” and this, but his flow sounds terrible, especially when he repeats “flatline” over and over again. And then there’s the production, which is a tuneless, melodyless mess that even 2014 DJ Mustard wouldn’t make. And then the content, which I won’t waste my time trying to debunk, but includes lyrics that believe the Earth is flat, Holocaust denial and too many other conspiracy theories. God, what happened to the guy who made perfection like “Airplanes” or even “Nothin’ On You”? Because this song makes me feel that aliens abducted B.o.B. and replaced him with a lookalike who believes planets are flat. Next!

30. Nicki Minaj - Big Foot

Well this dropped just in time to make this list, literally, I was planning on publishing this article and then Nicki dropped this song and is now forcing me to edit this article to make room for her. Thanks a lot Nicki Minaj, you asshole, for ruining my list (in case you were curious, if not for this abomination, “Birthday Party” by AJR would be here instead). Ok, but as of writing, the entire internet is ripping this song apart. This is really one of those songs where the reasons why it’s atrocious really sneak up on you. Nicki really took such offense to ONE (1) line in “HISS” by Megan Thee Stallion (an incredible song btw, might be my favorite Megan song actually) that she wrote this mess of a song as a diss track to her. And yeah this is really atrocious. That piano line in the beat is super dizzying and sounds like it was recycled from “TROLLZ” by 6ix9ine and Nicki’s delivery really is trying hard to make her come off as confident but every single “quirky” inflection in her delivery adds another crack in the illusion. And let’s not forget to mention the lyrics which alternate between Nicki exposing how horrible of a person she is by mocking Megan for mourning her dead mother and her being the world’s biggest hypocrite where she calls out Megan for “humping a minor” (which I’m pretty sure never actually happened but that’s besides the point and you’ll see why in the next sentence). You’re really one to talk Nicki, considering you are married to a convicted sex offender, gave a 13-year old boy a lapdance, collaborated multiple times with 6ix9ine, and you DEFENDED one of your brothers who was arrested for CHILD MOLESTATION (there’s more I could put here but quite frankly I couldn’t bother to list everything out. Pretty sure y’all get my point though)! More than anything, this song is very revealing of an insecure woman who has had a spectacular fall from grace from being one of the most talented and iconic female rappers alive to resorting to making garbage like this. I can’t wait for Nicki’s 15th minute to be up, because this song exposes how her time in the spotlight has long passed its expiration date.

29. 6ix9ine - YAYA

I don’t think this is 6ix9ine’s worst song, but it’s easily his most annoying. The production is one of the worst productions I’ve ever heard, with that fucking “yaya” sample, and then there’s him referencing “Waka Waka” by Shakira. Shakira should slap you for trying to reference a far better song you monster!! “Yaya”? More like “nono” to be honest.

28. 6ix9ine f/Nicki Minaj - FEFE

This is 6ix9ine’s worst song, it’s very close between this and “YAYA”, for that dishonor, but at least “YAYA” played into 6ix9ine’s primary “appeal” - being blaringly obnoxious and in-your-face offensive. But on “FEFE”, you can tell that the label was desperately trying to put a 6ix9ine-shaped cube into a Nicki Minaj-shaped hole (don’t take this the wrong way please). All across a very stiff two-note beat where 6ix9ine is stripped of all his “appeal” and drowned in autotune trying desperately to make him seem like he has sex appeal. This was a song that I’m pretty sure in hindsight, everyone involved is just embarrassed at, there’s a reason this Skittle clown has lost all relevancy in 2024.

27. Uncle Kracker f/Dobie Gray - Drift Away

I’m a bit stunned this song isn’t higher on this list, considering this is one of the most unbearably boring and soulless songs I’ve heard. But you know what, I overreacted when saying Uncle Kracker was the worst artist of all time. He still has one of the worst voices I’ve ever heard, but in terms of truly reprehensible artists, he isn’t as bad as Jason Aldean or 6ix9ine. Let me stress, though, Uncle Kracker still sounds horrible here, and just because Dobie Gray is here doesn’t mean he makes this remotely salvageable, I never even liked the original song as is (way tooo boring for me). But this is so much worse mainly because Uncle Kracker is a far weaker singer than Gray, this reminds me of something that’d soundtrack a lot of dads on a fishing trip. If I were on that fishing trip and this song came on, I’d jump in the water in hopes a shark would eat me alive. Garbage for sure, but maybe I overreacted when dunking on this song in my worst lists.

26. Tramp Stamps - I’d Rather Die

Am I wrong or is the production here not terrible? It’s very Disney-core in a good way but this is all the way here because of the lyrics, which feel aggressively cliche. And the autotune here almost amplifies the clicheness of it all. This sounds like it was written by 40+ year olds asking themselves “What’s hip with the kids these days?” I don’t think the industry plant accusations are all that fair, being a plant doesn’t guarantee the fruits or veggies you produce are gonna be bad after all, but this is really cliche and poorly written in an uninteresting way, at least “abcdefu” by Gayle, as stupid as the titular lyric is, is “so bad it’s good” and kinda fun to shout along to, there’s no fun to be had with this song. It’s just so uninteresting.

25. Play-N-Skillz - Literally I Can't

This was a song I listened to out of morbid curiosity after seeing TheDoubleAgent’s worst almost hit songs of the 2010s video (my primary inspiration for writing this article, actually), and I want those 4 minutes of my life back. Y’all remember “#SELFIE” by The Chainsmokers, right? Still a pile of trash, but this song is basically if you took that song but made it so much worse. This song is just 4 minutes of every guy on this song begging a girl or multiple girls to get drunk so they can bang them. And the choice to make the girl sound annoying here clearly makes you try to sympathize with the guys here. But the girl is literally justified in denying consent. It is literally a basic form of courtesy to respect the woman’s choices if she refuses. Also how do you have so little respect as to want to get this/these girl(s) in a state where they can’t say no just so you can have sex with them? Yeah, this song is dispicable.

24. Walker Hayes - U Gurl

Okay, I’ll admit, even back in 2021, I never could bring myself to hate “Fancy Like” as much as I wanted to. It’s still atrocious, but it’s a novelty song, it’s way too funny-bad to hate to the same degree as some other crap here. But “U Gurl” in every way sounds like utter ass. The guitar here sounds like garbage and Walker Hayes’s voice sounds like the aftermath of an angiogram with added distortion, not to mention his horrible, HORRIBLE rapping, which makes Chris Brown rapping about his own dick on “Look At Me Now” sound like Lil Baby on “The Bigger Picture” in comparison! This song was mixed like complete garbage and someone should stop trying to make Walker Hayes come off like a 40+ year-old man trying to be hip with the kids.

23. Andy Grammer - Damn It Feels Good To Be Me

If anything, this song was probably the moment where I realized I needed to stop hating AJR on principle, because holy SHIT can it always be worse. This song is literally AJR’s most hateable aspects and then dumped all into one song and made even WORSE with an addition of the ego in “Me Too” by Meghan Trainor! With the clunky ass trap percussion and Andy Grammer’s self-satisfied and smug ass delivery, and especially that “ooh-wah-ooh-wah-ooh” bit, everything here makes AJR’s cacophony of production in their music seem like a symphony in comparison. It’s trying to be a  self-esteem anthem but instead comes off as an ego trip. In that regard, this reminds me of “Me Too” by Meghan Trainor, except the production isn’t even disastrous enough to be “so bad it’s good”! Now, Andy would later reattempt this concept on “Love Myself” to much better results, but in the meantime, for those of you who hated “Honey I’m Good” back in 2015, just know it can ALWAYS be worse.

21/22. Bart Baker - Wrecking Ball Parody/Bart Baker - Stupid Hoe Parody

Yes, these are apparently considered a single according to rateyourmusic.com so I’m counting them for this list. I’m gonna talk about both here because I feel the same way about both of them: Bart Baker’s parodies have always been shitty and they’ve aged really poorly since their apex. “Wrecking Ball Parody” is probably on the list for 99% the awful, unfunny music video, but the song itself is shitty and utterly dessecrates a genuinely incredible song with its undertones of skinny shaming, slut shaming, transphobia, and countless more ugly shit. Doesn’t help that Bart Baker’s voice is literally drowning in autotune. I mean, the only even remotely creative or funny bit is “Okay this has gone on way too long/You need to get off of/Our construction site” but even that is ruined by the very next stanza being “How do you expect us to work/With a crazy anorexic chick/Swinging naked from our equipment”. Now onto “Stupid Hoe Parody”, it might not dessecrate an incredible song, but it does make an already terrible song even worse. From him calling Nicki Minaj a “[r-word] monkey” to him doing fucking blackface in the music video (side note: do not watch the music video unless you want to rip your eyes out of your face and poke them until they go blind) I was curious where this guy is now and he’s...promoting crypto. Disappointed but not surprised. Next!

20. Your Favorite Martian - Transphobic Techno (Bitch Got A Penis)

What in the fucking fuck is this? This sounds no exaggeration, like a 3 year old went to the keyboard and found a take of his older brother saying “bitch got a penis” and then repeatedly hit the play button on that take and spammed the keys while doing it. I can’t even call this “music” or even art! Because art is defined by Oxford as “the expression or application of human creative skill and imagination, typically in a visual form such as painting or sculpture, producing works to be appreciated primarily for their beauty or emotional power.”. There’s no beauty in this trainwreck, nor is there emotional power, other than utter confusion as to how this song is even real. It’s not funny or even bad enough to like ironically. It sounds like the early-2010s YouTube Poop version of itself. NEXT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

19. Florida-Georgia Line - I Love My Country

Let me get this out of the way quickly: I don’t hate this song for any political reasons, as far as I can tell, when they say they love their country, it’s not referring to the “USA” country, I think it’s more the country lifestyle. But that doesn’t mean this song isn’t an utter disaster otherwise! The guitar riff and trap percussion sound really clunky together and then we get all the bad rapping and the utter clicheness of everything else. Yeah, this is comfortably FGL’s worst song, I’ll even take “Yummy (Country Remix)” over this garbage!

18. Morgan Wallen - Ain’t That Some

I honestly didn’t realize just how much I detested this song until pretty recently. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always thought this was atrocious and the worst song of Morgan’s career from the day I sat through that bloated ass album One Thing At A Time. And I think I cracked just why this is so fucking horrendous. I did mention in my worst list this year that at least “Up Down” and “Heartless” had a foundation (a shitty foundation, sure, but a foundation nonetheless). But “Ain’t That Some” doesn’t even have that, it’s like a toxic cloud of Morgan’s worst artistic ideas bottled up into a slog of a song with Wallen’s twang at possibly its worst and a sour minor key guitar as he sing-raps so awfully through this. In this regard, this song is the carbon monoxide of music; a colorless, odorless (or in this case, I guess tuneless) gas (song) that upon inhaling it, the soul is actively sucked out of your body. This is repugnant.

17. Aaron Lewis - Am I The Only One

This is genuinely one of the most pathetic songs I’ve ever heard. Against a painfully basic acoustic guitar instrumentation  ripped off straight from “Wherever You Will Go” by The Calling. This song is very revealing of the kind of person Aaron Lewis is: a racist, grumpy, cranky old man screaming “what the fuck” at his TV. The “racist” part? He’s a fucking northerner whining about Confederate statues getting torn down. And this song is made even further pathetic by the acoustic version, where you can tell his voice is on its last legs and is about to completely give out. He basically, in essence, is the racist, less charming, MAGA version of Lewis Capaldi. What’s worse, I could probably make an argument that this song was what showed Conservatives that they can platform their most harmful views into the top 20 of the Hot 100 by spite-buying. And that’d eventually result in us getting two songs hitting #1 in 2023 that were directly a result of Conservative spite buying - “Try That In A Small Town” and “Rich Men North Of Richmond” . And that’s all before we get to the most pathetic part of this song - he’s claiming that fucking Bruce Springsteen is destroying America. Yeah, fuck this pathetic screamfest. This man sounds like he’s trying to eat a pineapple’s outside when he sings. If there’s any passion or emotion to be found in the singing here, it’s long gone. As Todd In The Shadows put it, “This is not a song about loving America; it's a song about hating a certain subsection of Americans.” NEXT!!!!!!

16. Donald J. Trump & J6 Prison Choir - Justice for All

This’d be so much higher if you could even see it as a song. But this is an ugly stain regardless. If my politics aren’t clear by now, I personally think that if in 2024, you think the problem is the “liberal hacks”, you’re fundamentally wrong and probably a stupid asshole who thinks the 2020 presidential election was stolen - a belief that led to arguably the most shameful moment in US history during my lifetime - the Jan 6 insurrection. But even then, we’re supposed to discuss the music, not any politics. This argument by the way is utter bullshit because context always plays a role in evaluating a song, both the context in which it was made and the context in which you heard the work for the first time. But anyway, this “song”, for as much as you could call it one, is just Trump reciting the Pledge of Allegiance over the Jan 6 rioters singing the national anthem. From that point of view, this isn’t even a song. As it is, whatever it may be, a song, a poetry reading, whatever, this is an ugly representation of a terrible time in US history that if decades down the line school children aren’t facepalming, I’ll be shocked.

15. Hopsin - Happy Ending

This song might be the most racist song I’ve ever heard. A song about a man getting horny over an Asian lady and going for a massage from her. This song then goes into disgusting detail about everything they do at the massage. Not to mention the racist as hell choice of that high-pitched voice playing the Asian lady while saying “If you no say nothing, I can give you sucky-sucky” this song is just inexplicable in every way. Even the overly horny rap from 2005 at least had the decency to not be racist!! Even if I try to ignore the racism, that high-pitched voice literally sounds like my sleep paralysis demon. #StopAsianHate. NEXT!!

14/13/12/11. Tom MacDonald - Snowflakes/Brainwashed/Fake Woke/Facts ft. Ben Shapiro

Yeah, I’m lumping all fourof these here because they all are about equally as awful and I can’t even decide which is worse than the others. Tom MacDonald is a white rapper that constantly dropps a bunch of right-wing pandering shit and if I were to try analyzing these songs I’d just be listing off things I disagree with, it’s exactly what he wants and it would make for a really boring and tedious review to both make and read. There are probably way more of his garbage I could put here, but I’m saving my time and just including these four because three of them charted on the Hot 100 and the other one, people were clowning on it in Pulse’s Discord server, thus, they are the only ones I heard. Skip this. Don’t give this grifting panderer the attention he wants.

10...Alright, the last 10, I’ll be ripping into these a lot more aggressively now and we’re starting with one of the lowest-hanging fruits on this list (which is really saying something)...

10. R Kelly - I Admit

You disgusting sex pest what the fuck did you admit in this song? There’s really nothing else to say about this song except for he decides to waste 19 minutes of the listener’s time on a non-confession. He literally admits everything EXCEPT his fucking crimes!! But like, everything wrong with this song is so surface level it feels too obvious to point out everything wrong with this. Next!!

9...There aren’t many songs that I’d argue have actively caused societal harm, but this one might be the biggest example we’ve seen so far...

9. Darryl Worley - Have You Forgotten?

It almost feels wrong for any of these last 9 songs to place above “I Admit”. But say what you want about “I Admit”, at least it didn’t harm society, no one bought that non-confession, it didn’t cause R Kelly to be found innocent or anything. “Have You Forgotten?”, though, is blatant pro-war propaganda disguising itself as a 9/11 tribute to tug at people’s heartstrings to get them to support the War in Iraq - a war that led to over 104,000 deaths between the US and Iraq. As I said in my worst list for the 2000s, there’s a non-zero chance that this song moved some people to support the war. This song is vile, one of the worst hit songs of the millennium, and the only one that actually caused societal harm. Yeah, fuck this.

8...You know what, let’s throw in #7 with this too!...

8/7. Kid Rock - We The People/Don’t Tell Me How To Live

Kid Rock has always been awful, but these two songs are quite easily the lowest of the low for him, from the atrocious nu-metal/rap rock instrumentation and Kid Rock’s passionless screaming, which makes 6ix9ine’s screaming seem palatable in comparison, to the MAGA-core lyrics on both of these. And then this line on “We The People”: “Fuck Facebook/Fuck Twitter too/And the mainstream media”, this feels like it’s trying to imitate YouTube music critic Mark Grondin’s outro of his review of AJR’s The Click and has nowhere near the same disgust or fury to pull it off. But let’s just face it, I’m not offended by this, this is just Kid Rock’s desperate ass flailing for attention and now he’s pandering to the MAGA crowd to do so. He was never good to begin with and these two songs only reveal how little relevance he has now.

6...So after everything we’ve gone through on this list, you might be shocked that this song is so high here. Make no mistake, I’ve always thought this was garbage, but it’s a crappiness that feels more generic but isn’t all that harmful on the surface. And, well, I gave myself about 2 years to think about that, but then I relistened, and all the rage came flooding back to me, time’s up...

6. Michael Ray - Real Men Love Jesus

This is a song where the depths of my anger really stem from very deep inside me, for many reasons. This is, in a nutshell, the reason why CCM is such a rancid genre of music, it’s stereotypical, preachy, and exclusionary. But this has the added bonus of its stereotypes being utterly harmful and rotten down to the core. Now, let’s start with why exactly this pisses me off, from just the title alone: the phrase “real men” triggers a lot of my low self-esteem issues I used to struggle with (I don’t think it’s from any trauma but more because I’ve always been harsh on myself growing up). So when we got a list-driven country CCM song listing every stereotype about the ‘Murican man - real men love football and fishing and fast cars, and if you don’t love any of those or Jesus, you’re not a real man, regardless of what sex you identify as, right? I’m an Eagle Scout and have had to live the Boy Scouting ideals in my day-to-day life to attain this rank, so I think I have a better understanding of what it takes to be a “real man” than you, Michael Ray, you asshole. And yes, I know that “real men love Jesus” is a common phrase used by Christians to make it look cool, but the use of that phrase in this song only highlights how outdated and uninspired this song is, it sounds like the AI-generated response to the prompt “generate a  country song about loving Jesus”. And let me make it clear, my issue with this song isn’t that he loves Jesus, it’s the way Michael Ray frames it as if if you don’t believe in Jesus, you’re not a real man or are going to hell. If you believe in Jesus, good for you, but that shouldn’t give you the excuse to try and force your religion onto other people. Fuck this garbage. Even at #6, this still feels waaaaaaaaay too low.

5...This was always gonna make this list, I already alluded to it earlier, it’s one of those songs that you already know will go down in infamy...

5. Jason Aldean - Try That In A Small Town

I already said much of my thoughts on this song in my 2023 worst list. And I’m gonna reference two negative takes I’ve seen about this song: one being ignore this and let it flail out on its own since Nashville Radio was primed to ignore this already, the other being: we need to talk about this because the best way to prevent history from repeating itself is to talk about it. And I’ll be honest: I see both arguments, and they both hold true in certain contexts, and that really gives us some lessons we oughta learn. If it’s clearly reactionary propaganda like this, we need to ignore it and let it flail out on its own, look at what happened to the Skittle clown 6ix9ine. But if it’s already happened, we need to talk about the event to ensure we know what to do if we are ever faced with this type of song again. But enough on that, what’s the issue with this turd? Where do I even start? I guess with how the instrumental sounds like a pale ripoff of “Burnin’ It Down” just with an added guitar solo, which might as well highlight how thoroughly out of ideas Jason Aldean is to the point where he has to resort to making MAGA-core music that isn’t even musically original to get attention - quoting a Pulse Music Board user, it’s the 6ix9ine approach to country music. And you gotta love how it frames big cities as places of violent crime whereas in small towns, you won’t get away with those violent crimes. And with the music video being filmed in front of that particular courthouse and Aldean’s antics the last few years, it picks up racial and lynching subtexts that might as well say that those “violent crimes” are being a minority. Yeah, fuck this, hopefully this vile propaganda being a hit has taught y’all something.

4...This song, similar to “Literally I Can’t”, I wouldn’t have known existed if not for watching TheDoubleAgent’s worst Almost Hit Songs of the 2010s video. And remember how with R Kelly I mentioned how his non-confession to his crimes was what made that song deplorable? Well, it’s clear that if you admit to your crimes, that doesn’t always guarantee you’re a likable human being!...

4. Tyga - Stimulated

This is literally a song where Tyga admits without remorse to fucking a then 17-year old Kylie Jenner while he was 24. He sounds so abusive here that I’m stunned how there was a relationship there to begin with!! Prove me wrong, show me one line here where Tyga seems remorseful for his pedophelia (being remorseful wouldn’t have made what he did excusable but it at least wouldn’t have made this man so frightening to listen to or be around). Also, let’s not forget to mention that this song’s beat samples a song literally called “Children”. With how unremorseful Tyga is here, I’m convinced that it was an intentional choice!! There was a reason why this song was taken down from Spotify. But why it was up there to begin with, is a mystery to me.

3...This was a song that at one point topped this list way back before I even started blogging, this was my least favorite song ever for months, I utterly detested it and everything it was about...

3. Custom - Hey Mister

I feel like I’ll end up on the national sex offender registry listening to this song, the problems with this song are so surface-level, I mean, if you’ve heard this, you hear what’s wrong with this, right? It’s a song literally about a man who sounds like he’s in his 40s or 50s telling the father of an (presumably) underage girl how hot his daughter is and how he wants to fuck her in the dad’s car. Not to mention, the mixing is dogshit and the outro of “I hope I never have a daughter” is just creepy for a number of reasons I don’t think I have to explain. Now sadly, I guess, Custom never really escaped this song being his biggest hit, it was his only song to chart on the US rock charts and he died of a heart attack at the age of 54 in 2021. I’d say I feel bad for him but when you make a song like this, you clearly had to know what you were writing, right? Fucking gross, move on.

2...This song not topping this list will shock some people that know me, and I’ll get into why this didn’t top my list when I discuss my #1, but yeah, this was always locked for this list...

2. Robin Thicke f/TI & Pharrell Williams - Blurred Lines

Let me stress, this is still my least favorite song of all time. But there is a key difference between your “least favorite song of all time” and what you think is “objectively the worst song of all time”. I’ll get into this more when duscussing my #1. And it probably should be noted that under different circumstances, like “a worst hit songs of the millennium” list, “Have You Forgotten?” and “Try That In A Small Town” would probably place above this, because if I were to ever make that list, my criteria would be different; I’d probably put more emphasis on societal harm than being just plain shitty. But in the meantime, why do I consider this my least favorite song of all time? Well, I don’t really have an answer other than this limp, bare production that only has a bassline and cowbell brings Robin Thicke’s personality to the forefront and Thicke’s personality here is just repulsive. This is a combo that gives me an allergic reaction. Thicke’s falsetto in particular would drive dogs to run off a bridge and his lower register is just smug and self-satisfied and makes this utterly obnoxious. And then we get the lyrics which when you pair it with Thicke’s repugnant personality makes it come off as rapey. This song effectively killed Thicke’s career. Yes, this was one of the biggest hits of 2013 and the 2010s, but Thicke’s followup EP Paula did catastrophically low numbers worldwide that’d cause 6ix9ine to melt into a puddle in the hot sun if those were his numbers. I can’t say I feel sorry for Thicke either honestly. So what’s worse?

1...Okay, it’s time to stop dancing around this: you may have noticed the title, “My top 50 Least Favorite/The Worst Songs of All Time”. Why did I include both in there? Well, as I mentioned with “Blurred Lines”, there is a key difference between your “least favorite song of all time” and what you think is “objectively the worst song of all time”. The former is just the song you hate the most, the one you respond the most negatively to emotionally. The latter is the one that’s so offensive that you can’t in good faith call any song worse. Yes, there may be some overlap between these two, but you know what I chose to top this list? I chose the song that is what I believe to be the most reprehensible song I’ve ever heard. The only song on this whole list that I can pretty confidently say ruined an individual’s life intentionally. To the band that made this monstrosity, you done goofed because I’m about to rip this shit apart...

Also this last song is so bad I feel the need to put a trigger warning. The following review will delve into topics of sexual assault, rape, and even suicidal ideation. If you are at all triggered by any of these, I’d click away from this article immediately, I fully understand it.

1. Blood On The Dancefloor - You Done Goofed

I’ll say before I start this review that there’s a good chance that I accidentally get a few details wrong. If you want the full story, I’ll direct you to this video. This song in its essence is a diss track made by a pedophile to an 11 year old girl he slept with saying that she was lying about everything and single-handedly getting the entire internet to relentlessly harass and bully her to the point of suicidal ideation. I think it says WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYY more about the culture in 2010 than a lot of y’all think that instead of believing the victim, they believed the guy who raped this little girl. And let’s be blunt: the only reason that this song was well-known in any capacity is that the internet saw this 11 year-old who was dramatic and didn’t know any better as an easy target. Jessi Slaughter, the 11 year-old girl this was directed at, made multiple dramatic and embarrassing videos online acting as if they didn’t care about any of the harassment despite them really getting hurt by everything. And look, I understand this, sometimes if you’re in a bad situation and you’re in a really dramatic phase of your life, it’s hard to cut that cycle off. I was in a similar dramatic phase in 9th grade and people can see how dramatic you act and prey upon that, and the aftermath of that can leave permanent emotional scars. I assume that the only reason this song had defenders back in 2010 was that this girl was an easy target, I can’t see it being the nonexistent merits of the song itself - which purely as music is also horrendous. The autotune drowns out any likeable quality, if any, in Dahvie Vanity’s voice when he sings. And his rapping is up there as the literal worst I ever heard and the actual music sounds so dated to the point where I feel like even in 2010 this was dated. And then the lyric “look at me,/I'm beautiful,/not a suspect of rape/don't you know,/I'm fucking boss”, very revealing of the moral standard of this waste of a human being. But yeah, “You Done Goofed” by Blood On The Dancefloor, without question the absolute WORST song of all time. I don’t even think you could argue otherwise. No other song caused nearly as much harm to one single person than this did for Jessi Slaughter. Fuck this, hopefully y’all have changed in the last 13.5 years to where you won’t repeat this.

Well that’s finally done. I know I got pretty angry at the end, but hey, when dealing with this volume of atrocious music, that’ll do that to you. My next article should, if I plan correctly, be my non-US hits article or maybe my roasting the biggest hits of 2023 article!! I’ll be working on those and until then, take care!! And no Spotify playlist because these songs don't deserve an outlet to get streamed at all.

And also, my Instagram is right here!!