The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2005

 The Top 10 Worst Hit Songs of 2005

In the following article, I take a look a weaker but slightly overhated year if the 2000s and see why people seem to hate this year

Hey guys, welcome back to Fire’s Flaming Hot Takes for another year-end list. Today, we’re examining the top 10 worst hit songs of 2005!

Well, the year I was born, how was this year’s music?

Okay, the best way I can describe this year is an “expectations vs reality year”. Have you ever heard of those videos on YouTube where you have unrealistically high expectations for something, but the reality of it turns out to be kinda bad? That’s what this year was to me. Going into this year-end, I honestly thought this list would be filled to the brim with excellent indie rock. And what we got...was hip hop where it felt like most of the artists watched pornhub.com and then aired out their horniness in their music. That said, there was a good crop of excellent indie rock on this year-end, but this year is just very polarizing in quality overall, with the lows matching the atrociousness of 2003’s by being among the worst songs I’ve ever heard while the highs are among my favorite songs of the 2000s and even of all time. I suppose you could make a comparison to 2013 with very different extremes of quality but I think this is maybe ever so slightly worse than 2013. So now, it’s time to get started on this list. There were 27 songs on the Hot 100 year-end list for 2005 that I found mediocre or worse, including repeats from 2004 - and as a reminder of the rule, the song had to debut on the year-end Hot 100 list for 2005 in order to qualify, so “Over And Over” by Nelly is ineligible for this list. So let’s dig into some of the awful lows that this year had...

DM #1: 112 f/Foxy Brown - U Already Know (YE: #97, PEAK: #32)

Okay well, the atrocious lows are really only higher up the list, this song is just really boring and the triangle(?) is extremely annoying and yet on a production as sparse as this one that’s the only thing that sticks out in this mix! I also don’t like the guys in 112 here, they sound incredibly annoying and are trying way too hard to sound laid back and they’re not pulling it off at all, yeah, NEXT!!

DM #2: Omarion - O (YE: #91, PEAK: #27)

I’ll give Omarion this, he’s a far better performer than any of the guys on the previous song but the production just sounds so aggressively schmaltzy to me and that hurts this song badly.

DM #3: Brooke Valentine f/Lil Jon & Big Boi - Girlfight (YE: #85, PEAK: #23)

Brooke Valentine’s contributions aren’t bad outside of that prolonged note on the hook being pretty grating, I’ll give the song that much, but Lil Jon and Big Boi just feel really out of place here, Lil Jon just comes off like he’s encouraging the fight to happen and it clashes really awkwardly with Big Boi trying to stop it, this is just a mess. Moving on.

DM #4: Ja Rule f/R Kelly & Ashanti - Wonderful (YE: #94, PEAK: #5)

I’m not sure if I hate Ja Rule or R Kelly more on this song to be honest. Sure R Kelly’s voice just gives me an allergic reaction that actively makes me feel gross listening to this and R Kelly’s “oh oh oh” bit at the beginning just repulses me because of R Kelly himself being a disgusting human being, I can’t lie, but Ja Rule’s voice is still absolutely horrible, not matching the atmosphere or the content at well and at least R Kelly has decent enough chemistry with Ashanti if nothing else but regardless of whose fault this is, this is still bad.

DM #5: Ludacris - Number One Spot (YE: #99, PEAK: #38)

This is kinda a disappointment. Ludacris’s delivery sounds incredibly triumphant and he has tons of personality here that I like, and while I get a bit of a chuckle at the lyric “Explorer like Dora - these/Swipers can't swipe me”, that production is awful, no other way to say it, that car alarm-sounding beeping throughout the song is just grating as hell. There’s a reason this song never made it to that #1 spot anywhere and in the US, only that #38 spot, just saying.

DM #6: 50 Cent - Just A Lil Bit (YE: #17, PEAK: #3)

The more I put 50 Cent on these lists the more I feel like “In Da Club” was just a fluke of quality, because this is just creepy - “Get to kissin' and touchin' a lil' bit” and “I wanna unbutton your pants just a lil' bit/Take 'em off and pull 'em down just a lil' bit” delivered with that creepy ass delivery just  doesn’t work at all! Oh yeah, and the production is annoying too, that string melody genuinely sounds like a donkey in pain and grates on your nerves in record time. Bleh, awful song.

DM #7: Chris Brown f/Juelz Santana - Run It! (YE: #42, PEAK: #1)

Even in 2005, it looks like Chris Brown was an unlikeable little asshole. I’m convinced the only reason this was a #1 hit was that it’s a pale ripoff of “Yeah!” by Usher, a significantly better song, from the synths to even the content and while in “Yeah!” the performers are able to distract you from the content, Chris Brown and Juelz Santana aren’t able to do so mainly because Chris Brown’s singing here sounds really bad, yikes and they even go to referencing “Wait (The Whisper Song)” by the Ying Yang Twins of all songs! This is far from the worst song that Chris Brown has ever made but “Run It!” is absolutely pointless, do yourself a favor and don’t give this song any more attention and listen to “Yeah!” by Usher instead, trust me, you’ll be way better off.

Now on that note, let’s get to the list proper!

10...I’m kinda shocked that this is the first time this artist has appeared on a worst list of mine until I realized that he didn't have as many Hot 100 hits as I thought he did and I never really outright hated this artist like some do but this song is just terrible so let’s examine...

10. John Mayer - Daughters (YE: #83, PEAK: #19)

This song comes off as John Mayer trying to come off as more sensitive after the mediocre “Your Body’s A Wonderland” became a hit just years earlier, and thus in this song John Mayer becomes a white guy with acoustic guitar almost a full decade before Todd In The Shadows coined that term. Let me begin with the fact that John Mayer’s voice sounds absolutely dreadful here, he’s trying to sound intimate here but that delivery sounds lifeless and too breathy sometimes here. Not to mention the content which is just icky, it essentially boils every hardship a girl faces in life down to bad parenting, I mean sure it can kinda play a factor sometimes but that’s not the only cause of every time the “daughters” you mention in this song so much to feel sad! And there’s also a line here “Boys will be strong/And boys soldier on” because you know, girls are weak and pathetic and men are strong. Also I can’t help but kinda chuckle at the line “I know a girl/She puts the color inside of my world” because this song sounds like what the sky outside my house as of writing looks like - very gloomy and black-and-white, nothing much to say outside of that, this is terrible, NEXT!!

9...I did mention that there was excellent indie rock on the year-end list for 2005 but my go-to example of that wouldn’t be this to say the least...

9. Weezer - Beverly Hills (YE: #20, PEAK: #10)

That guitar riff is simply dreadful. Plus Rivers Cuomo’s goofy ass flow in his delivery just sounds awful and the constant “gimme gimme” sample sounds horrible. And the talk box solo just feels like an AJR-level production decision. And yeah speaking of which, this sounds like an AJR song that happens to have guitars: bad production choice after bad production choice, and the complete lack of self-awareness like AJR’s material tends to have, “Beverly Hills'' is about aspiring to live in Beverly Hills and their signifier of that being housemaids mopping the floors, the other bizarre lyrics like “My automobile is a piece of crap” and “My fashion sense is a little whack”. To sum up, this song is terrible and even as someone who doesn’t hate a lot of Weezer - I’ll willingly stand up for their 2018 “Africa” cover, this ain’t good

8...Just stick with “Hanging By A Moment” man…

8. Lifehouse - You And Me (YE: #12, PEAK: #5)

This is a very vapid song where for some fucking reason John Lifehouse sounds like a mix between Scott Stapp of Creed and John Mayer, it sounds really ugly. I’ll give him credit where it’s due though: he can sound lovestruck here but the instrumental just sounds so empty and devoid of any color or personality, it’s just so lifeless. Terrible song that was too boring for even AC sations to handle, I'm sure given I haven’t ever heard this prior to listening to this for this list. Next!

7...How do I even write an intro for this?...

7. Black Eyed Peas - My Humps (YE: #32, PEAK: #3)

I honestly used to ironically like this in a “so bad it’s good” kinda way but yeah, this is quite terrible in the end, from Fergie not being able to rap with no personality or discernible technique in her flow, she’s trying her hardest to sound laid back and it doesn’t work at all! Oh yeah and the production is pretty bad too just a minimalist beat and the irritating synth, plus the rest of the Peas suck here too with abysmal lyrics like “And mix your milk with my Coco Puffs/Milky, milky coco/Mix your milk with my Coco Puffs/Milky, milky, right’” which just is um...yeah, I’ll leave it at that. Oh yeah and before I forget this was apparently never intended as a single and it was only promoted to one by popular request. America has lost all credibility of having good music taste.

6...But say what you will about “My Humps” at least it’s a funny trainwreck...

6. Ryan Cabrera - True (YE: #90, PEAK: #18)

I described “Daughters” by John Mayer as a white guy-with-acoustic-guitar song but even that can’t measure up in awfulness to this. This just screams of being pushy - “I won't talk/I won't breathe/I won't move till you finally/see/That you belong with me”, he’s essentially saying he’d rather die than not be with this girl which reminds me way too much of “Grenade” by Bruno Mars but at least that song had some bombast to back up the dramatic lyrics, not this weepy soft acoustic guitar shit. Ryan Cabrera can’t back this up either, he’s a very uninteresting performer and that falsetto is kinda dreadful, I can’t lie. I don’t even hate this genre on principle, there’s plenty of acoustic pop I’ve heard and liked, take “If You’re Meant To Come Back” by Justin Jesso, a song I genuinely love, that said, this is a cheesy ass snoozefest, NEXT!!

5...I’ll just say, there is a reason this song only barely made the year-end list...

5. Webbie f/Bun B - Give Me That (YE: #100, PEAK: #29)

And sticking true to disgusting imagery in rap songs in 2005 for this one, while this is by no means the worst song to fall into that category even this year, spoilers for the upcoming entries, this is still trash. This is the furthest thing from sexy, Webbie is a really uninteresting rapper and him forcefully saying “gimme that pussy” just can’t sound appealing to anyone, right? That’s before I even get to the production which is just obnoxious with the synth not remotely matching the content and only coming off as needlessly creepy and menacing. Bun B is fine here I guess but he doesn’t remotely match the atmosphere here either! There’s a reason this song was forgotten, and good riddance.

4...So I guess I was sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so wrong about how rock music would be this year...

4. Papa Roach - Scars (YE: #36, PEAK: #15)

This is just an annoying ass mess of a song. The production just repulses me on melody alone, it’s generic emo rock production. If you want good emo rock, just listen to Spanish Love Songs’s album “Brave Faces Everyone”, but anyway, back to this, Jacoby Shaddix’s vocals just sound unpleasant to listen to, especially when he screams “GO FIX YOURSELF!”, it’s screaming without any passion. Trash song, moving on...

3...You know, it’s kinda easy to miss how much this song has indirectly influenced the culture today, and good god, just WHY!?...

3. Trillville - Some Cut (YE: #49, PEAK: #14)

Bad rapping, needlessly horny lyrics - just one example being “Number one staller that takes dick in the ass and won't holler” and obviously, the bed springs which just sound grating as fuck, and here’s the thing, those bed springs have had so much staying power in the culture today. Don’t believe me? I’ll quote what its Wikipedia article says: “The song's distinctive bedspring noise has been imitated in several songs, including those by fellow rap artists Drake, Wale and Ty Dolla $ign, and by international pop artists such as Tinashe, Karol G, Bruno Mars, and Jacquees. Leight notes the sample is particularly popular in Korean pop music, where it is referred to in songs by artists like NCT 127, Exo, and Shinee.” For Drake, just look at “Currents” from his album Honestly Nevermind!! And it even reeks into the songs I kinda like like “Go Loko” by YG, and once I found that out, I wasn’t able to unhear it! This song is just very sleazy and it’s had WAY too much staying power, so what 2 songs could possibly be worse?

2...My top 2 here were both in contention for my #1, both are among the most repulsive songs I’ve ever heard...

2. Ying Yang Twins - Wait (The Whisper Song) (YE: #53, PEAK: #15)

It is barely justifiable to call this a song, All it is is a sub bass loop with two rappers creepily whispering “wait till you see my dick” over and over again. It’s trying to sound seductive but with how loud the vocals are mixed, it feels more threatening than sexy. And that combined with the nothingness of the production puts the lyrics to the forefront and...god - from “Got a sexy ass body and ya ass look soft/Mind if I touch it to see if it's soft?” to “And I'm known to be a real nasty man/And they say a closed mouth don't get fed”, still not my worst hit song of 2005 though, so what could possibly be worse?

 

1...I feel like the only reason this song is even somewhat remembered today is how bad it is, and I can’t say I feel sorry for this song’s fate because the first time I heard this song I was absolutely baffled how it even left the drawing board stage and got greenlit to be released, I think it’s a little bit more than a coincidence that both this and “Wait (The Whisper Song)” were produced by the same producer - Mr. Collipark - guess he just has a thing for these types of creepy ass songs...

1. David Banner - Play (YE: #51, PEAK: #7)

This song is only really remembered for being an atrocity, and honestly, saying it’s an atrocity would be a massive understatement. Jesus fuck, and I thought “Blurred Lines” by Robin Thicke was creepy. Yeah, this takes the lyrics to a whole new level of perverted from “Lickey, lickey, lickey, like a peppermint swirl” to “I wanna see you /cum in the middle of the dance floor”, just nauseating to say the least, also it says a lot that this line is one of the more tolerable lyrics in the son: “I'mma beat it like Mike when he fucked Billie Jean”, you can’t even get your Michael Jackson references right dude? But that’s before we get to the production which is just...you can’t convince me someone legitimately thought this was a good idea. It only consists of an obnoxious synth “melody” that sounds like someone autotuned their farts and an earsore of a siren and that’s not to mention all the moaning everywhere. This is genuinely one of the most scarring and nauseating songs I’ve ever heard, and yeah no question, “Play” by David Banner is easily the worst hit song of 2005 and one of the absolute worst songs I’ve ever heard, let’s just make sure we don’t play this song again any time soon and move on. Well anyway, the Spotify playlist will be below the article and I’ll be working on my best list, but until then, you’ve been reading Fire’s Flaming Hot Takes, and I’ll see you!

https://open.spotify.com/playlist/4WlXrjXW45H4HeIklcimZA?si=79caa065601346d8